Finding the Peace

Is Living Without Conflict the True Goal?

I love the words of Donna Brazile, author and political commentator, who comments on “the bitch label” saying if everyone likes you, it probably means you aren’t saying much.” Read more:  I often ask women when they say they are “PMS-ing” or menopausal if they are just being more honest than ever before. Sometimes when we have less tolerance or don’t care so much about what other people think, we are apt to be more honest. It may not be the norm, but is it really such a bad thing if we are being more real?

So fess up – Are you one of those people that really prefer to have no conflict even if it means not saying how you really feel? Not wanting conflict is certainly understandable, maybe even admirable. We all like to live our days peacefully. But it may serve you to question if that is really the right thing. To avoid conflict means that you have to acquiesce to others in the name of keeping the peace. And just because you say nothing regarding you own feelings about a situation doesn’t mean that you have released it and let it go. If you were to really be honest with yourself, it probably means, more likely, that that you are a bit more frustrated and irritable towards the person and holding resentment about the situation or the person or both. So in essence, you lose and the other person loses because even if the other person isn’t aware of it, your choice to be “conflict free” meant that the other person was not give the chance to hear your thoughts and consider your suggestions in the situation. And these are opportunities to bring about closer relationships. Being authentic means giving your part to the person or situation. If you are just a “yes” person, you really don’t bring much to the table. We all have something to bring to the table. If we aren’t bringing our part we let ourselves down and we let others down. We have to step out in voicing it and letting others know. If we haven’t at least done that we haven’t really begun to share who we are.  So this week, make it a point to be voicing your true feelings and thoughts to others. Add color to the situation by adding your part. You will find living with color is a lot more fun.

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  • Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker
    Licensed Independent Mental Health Practitioner

  • Janie Pfeifer Watson, LICSW, is the founder and director of Wholeness Healing Center, a mental health practice in Grand Island, Nebraska with remote sites in Broken Bow and Kearney. Her expertise encompasses a broad range of areas, including depression, anxiety, attachment and bonding, coaching, couples work, mindfulness, trauma, and grief. She views therapy as an opportunity to learn more about yourself as you step more into being your authentic self. From her perspective this is part of the spiritual journey; on this journey, she serves as a mirror for her clients as they get to know themselves—and, ultimately, to love themselves.


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