The Best Kept Secret to Finding Happiness
I recently read these words, “You are the one you are waiting for.” (http://www.dailyom.com, 2012)
I have to say the words struck me deeply touching my soul. Human nature seems to have a predisposition for searching outside ourselves. Searching . . . for that perfect mate . . . home . . . body . . . job . . . friendship . . . car . . . relationship . . . image . . . We search. We strive to be at the top of our game, the biggest, the best, and the most outstanding. When we aren’t at the top we easily get caught up in feeling like we don’t measure up so no wonder we aren’t happy (because if we were at the top we would be happy). And if we do get to the top and we are the biggest and the best we find the reward shallow and disappointing as inner happiness doesn’t come from our outside achievements.
Or we work to have that perfect image, the perfect marriage, the perfect family. We don’t share our vulnerabilities, our hurts, and our painful human experiences. We present like we have everything managed and life is good. We look the part so we will be accepted, fearful that if we show any flaws (such as being human and having human experiences) we will not be accepted socially. But in reality we get down easily when we know we can’t be perfect by social standards thinking that if only we could be we would find that happiness.
We strive to have the perfect body getting caught up in the mirror of our human flaws. Often we are focused on getting to the perfect size 10 knowing that if we would arrive we would be happy.
But if we do arrive, we are often still unhappy because real happiness doesn’t come from the perfect body. But we can get caught up in arriving and think it must then be the size 8 that would make us feel like we have arrived. We could then be happy.
The grass is always greener on the other side until we find ourselves on the other side and wonder where the green grass can be found. Searching and searching. In my own experience of searching, I found that the more goals I targeted and hit the more disappointed I became. Surely, I would find contentment if I mastered being on top . . . I produced. I succeeded. And yet, it didn’t touch that thirst I had inside myself. It wasn’t until I sat with myself that I touched it. I went inside and spent some time with myself and began to realize that all I was looking for was found right there, inside me. I didn’t have to work so hard on the outside to find it because it was right there inside of me the whole while. And it was reachable without doing anything!
I often say it is the best kept secret – that our happiness is right here. Right here inside ourselves. There is nothing more needed if we connect with ourselves. Spend some time sitting instead of striving. Spend some time in quiet with yourself. Spend some time journaling and listening to what you have to say. Touch that place in your soul and recognize that you are the gift – the gift to yourself. You are the best thing that ever happened to you. You are the one you are waiting for.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker
Licensed Independent Mental Health Practitioner
- Janie Pfeifer Watson, LICSW, is the founder and director of Wholeness Healing Center, a mental health practice in Grand Island, Nebraska with remote sites in Broken Bow and Kearney. Her expertise encompasses a broad range of areas, including depression, anxiety, attachment and bonding, coaching, couples work, mindfulness, trauma, and grief. She views therapy as an opportunity to learn more about yourself as you step more into being your authentic self. From her perspective this is part of the spiritual journey; on this journey, she serves as a mirror for her clients as they get to know themselves—and, ultimately, to love themselves.
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