Wholeness Healing Center

“Driving in” to Understanding Brain Development

As parents, teachers, therapists, and others who interact with children, we often find ourselves reacting to a child’s undesirable behavior with the classic question, “Why did you do that?” And the child most often answers with, “I don’t know.” Adults grow more frustrated and the child eventually continues the unwanted behavior, and the cycle continues. So, what is the real reason why children and adults encounter this interaction over and over? The answer is brain development. Let’s take a minute to “drive” in to understand the different roles of the structures present in the brain using parts of a car.

First, consider the driver’s seat. A good driver is focused. Drivers plan their route and make rational decisions focused on logic as the trip progresses. This is the thinking part of the brain, or the pre-frontal cortex. When people function from this part of the brain, they are in control of decisions and behaviors. They have understanding of cause and effect and can provide reasons for behavior.

Next, envision the back seat. People in the back seat react out of emotion. Sometimes they are singing along happily to the radio, and other times they are screaming as a car runs a red light in front of them. Sometimes this emotion is intense as they have no control over what is happening in the front seat of the car. This is the feeling part of the brain, or the limbic system and amygdala. This part of the brain is purely reactional and emotional. No logic or reasoning happens here. “Decisions” that are made here are rash and illogical, based solely on emotion. This is where fight, flight, and freeze responses begin.

Finally, imagine being in the trunk of the car. When people are in the trunk, they are in survival mode. Their reactions are automatic. These reactions are based on human nature and instinct. These instincts can be changed dramatically with exposure to past traumatic experiences. This is the primitive part of the brain, or the brain stem, hippocampus, and basal ganglia. Its sole function is survival. This part of the brain is responsible for keeping the heart beating and other life functions progressing. People have no control over the rest of the car when they are in the trunk. “Decisions” made from the trunk only consider needs for survival.

The next time you consider asking a child “Why did you do that?” think about how that child would handle driving a car. Driving a car takes logic, reasoning, and an understanding of cause and effect. Drivers need to be able to tell you why they behave in certain ways to ensure safety of self and passengers. The area of the brain responsible for this, the prefrontal cortex, is not fully developed until the mid-to-late twenties. While the basic structure is present in childhood, this is the slowest part of the brain to mature. There’s a reason why we limit driving until the teen years, and insurance rates don’t go down until the child is in his/her twenties. Children truly don’t know why they have behaved in an undesirable way. Their brains are not yet developed enough to be able to answer with anything other than “I don’t know.” They are not lying or skirting responsibility. They really don’t know why.

Children’s undesirable behavior often comes from the back seat (limbic system or amygdala) or the trunk of the car (brain stem), depending on the situation. These parts of the brain are present during early development in the womb, and continue maturing through childhood and early adulthood. The limbic system (emotion brain) reaches its peak during puberty, which explains the intense emotions we see from children during this stage.

The next time you catch yourself wanting to ask a child “Why did you do that?”, consider asking “What does this child need?” instead. Is this child expressing an emotion? Does this child feel safe? All behavior has a purpose, and as adults, it’s important that we step back into our own driver’s seat and think rationally to help solve the problem and answer the question of “why?”

 

 

Tags: Behaviors have a purpose, brain development of children, Understanding children's behaviors