Wholeness Healing Center

Notes of Growth

Anonymous

My long depression road to mindfulness.  I was raised in a Christian family with strong German farm heritage.  You work hard and when life is hard you work harder, pray and get through it.  Or just gut it out.  I was taught mostly by example that I didn’t need help.

I have had ongoing depression for 15+ years.  Back in the beginning when I was crying all the time, I started on an antidepressant with my family doctor.  That helped some.  I tried counseling off and on, but only when life was really tough for me.  I was always trying to take care of the people in my life.

My daughter was a drug addict and went through treatment two times. She was eventually diagnosed bi-polar.  My husband has had depression and health problems.  I have three grandchildren and am helping with them on a continuous basis.

There are all kinds of stresses with all of this.  I have always thought I needed to help and take care of everything.  Through the years, I have had many illnesses when my mind and body were just overwhelmed.  I have changed antidepressants several times.  Each time I plateaued and did not reach a point where I could say I felt better.

Just six months ago, I called Wholeness Healing Center to set up counseling and started my journey.  Right away, the DBT woman’s group was recommended to me along with counseling.  I started going to group on Mondays.  It was like a switch was turned on for me.  I am learning I can be mindful and take care of me and change not only my life, but everyone around me.

When I have thoughts that start me on the train that just goes in circles, I notice them, and let them go.  When I am with my grandchildren, I can live in that moment and fully enjoy them.  When my daughter does or says something upsetting or that I don’t like, I can listen, set boundaries and decide how I will respond in a loving way, realizing that is just how she is.  I can be nonjudgmental of myself and others, just looking at the facts.  This releases a lot of negative emotions.

I can do mindfulness meditations that calm me and keep me in the moment, which is all we can control.  I have so much more peace and energy now because I am not worrying about yesterday or tomorrow.  I still have a lot of practice to do and a lot to learn.  But the journey is worth it.