These are suggestions from parents that have worked for some kids. They may or may not work in your situation. Use them as you wish, change or modify them, and add your own as you develop your parenting style.
- Children should ask permission, not tell. The asking should be in an appropriate form (Mom, may I please play outside on the swings for an hour?) and should include specifics and manners.
- Do NOT ask “Is that okay?” after a request. That puts the child in charge and undermines your authority.
- Talk less. When children can get parents to explain each and every thing, they are in power. Say things simply and directly. Don’t explain! Don’t lecture! Never answer the question “Why?” These kids see the explanations as weakness on the parents’ part. Trying to get kids to understand their behavior may work on some kids, but for RAD kids, it is a waste of time and energy on the parent’s part and empowers the children in a negative manner.
- Do not repeat yourself! If a child asks “What?” or “Huh?” he or she is in control and controls you by making you repeat yourself. Remove yourself from this by simply going on or filling in the blanks. (You ask if the child wants milk or water to drink. He responds What? Give him milk and say okay.) This may also be a time when oxygen opportunities work. If the child is having trouble hearing well, he needs to do some running to get oxygen back into his brain.
- Do not argue with a child. Simply repeat the instruction or go into another room. If you continue to repeat the instruction, the child will grow tired of not getting a response.
- Always consider that you are having an impact on your child’s life-if you weren’t caring for your child, where would he/she be?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Licensed Independent Mental Health Practitioner
Licensed Professional Counselor
Advanced Clinical HypnoTherapist
- Deb England began working part-time for Wholeness Healing Center in September 2004 and began full-time in May 2005. Deb practices primarily in the Broken Bow office and one day a week in the Grand Island office. Previously she had completed her practicum and internship at Morning Star Alliance, working in the Broken Bow and Grand Island offices.
LATEST ARTICLES BY Deb England
Sign up to receive the latest mental health tips and inspiration